Let me start by saying that I have totally been guilty of this in the past. If we are not comfortable in our own skin and we are not fully aware of who we are and our self-worth, then we feel the need to put a mask on right?
There are many reasons that affect how we feel about ourselves. And sometimes, it starts as young as birth. We may have been raised not feeling as if we were enough or loved. Not being lifted and encouraged. Or this happens later in life because of a bad relationship where someone you loved so much, only tore you down and picked you apart telling you only all the things that were wrong with you. So, you start to believe it.
For me, it was my upbringing and I have had some traumatic incidents in my life that some could not begin to understand or handle. I know now, as an adult, that my parents did the best they knew how. They did not know any different. It is an awful cycle. But when we are old enough to think for ourselves, we can no longer place blame anywhere. We must look within.
I was always painfully shy growing up. My closest friends would disagree with that statement, but they have known me for so long, I am completely comfortable with them. I am an outgoing person when I am my authentic self and quite funny! I know I crack myself up! But I have come a long way since then!
Sometimes we wish we were a certain way or had a personality like someone that we admire. When we do not know ourselves, we become chameleon is trying to blend in with those around us or "cliques" that we admire and want to belong to. Fear creates a lot of that in our own minds. We are too afraid that people will not like us just as we are. But if we are busy trying to be someone we are not, how do we know who we are?
We may do ourselves more harm or even our relationships with others. How can we expect people to love us truly unconditionally if we are not showing them who we really are? It is misleading and even deceiving. Then people wonder why relationships never last because feelings we have are really for someone we do not know.
It took the death of my husband for me to truly look inside myself. To find myself for the first time. Also, my boys are growing up and one is out of the house in college and the other is in high school. My life was being turned upside down. I was totally and completely broken. I had been a stay at home mom for over 10 years. I had battled depression. And I was left there to re-build my life all over again.
I have been on this journey for 2 years almost. I have gone over everything that has happen in my life and figured out the lesson in every situation good and bad. I have realized my passions for certain things in life. And I know what is truly important to me. And that is people. Caring and helping people. I have always been a caretaker by nature. But it makes me happy.
Now during this process. I also realized that it is necessary to set boundaries with certain people who were unhealthy for me. Or I had to let some people go and just love them from afar. But I have also made mistakes and let people in that I thought where authentic and had my best interest at heart, when in truth. I did not know them at all. I call those lessons. But they are part of my journey as well. And in a way I am thankful.
Losing my husband was a pain I never knew existed. But today, I can say, because of him. I know exactly who I am. I know exactly what I want in this life. I know my flaws. I can admit when I am wrong, and it does not hurt to say I am sorry. And I know what unconditional love is. He gave me all of that. The best way for me to honor him, is to live to my potential and be happy!!
I wake up every morning with the goal of being better than the day I was before. I want to continually grow. Our minds are a powerful thing. It controls every single action we do. And going through the process, you are totally re-wiring your brain.
I started a goal book. I made a list of my flaws that I wanted to work on. Things I wanted to accomplish in my life. And I started reading affirmations every day and posting them up on my bathroom mirror so there were in plain sight for me to look at. I was teaching myself how to let go of the fear. The fear that kept me from being 100% me all the time. The fear of letting my guard down that I had built up around me, so pain could not touch me. I stripped myself down to nothing. Through all the pieces started to fit together.
I will never be done with this journey. Until my last breath, I will constantly be evolving. But now that I have found myself. And know who I am. I truly do love myself and the person I become every single day. And I will always fiercely protect that at all costs. I will never allow someone to take what is so very dear to me. And that is my worth. Because when we have self-worth, we make better choices for ourselves. And we are stronger in mind.
Now, this does not make us perfect. There is no such thing. Everyone has issues and is fighting a battle of some sort. And if they tell you they are not, then they are lying. We all make mistakes and we all make a bad choice now and then. But if we are getting back up and trying. Who can tell you that your efforts are wrong.
I will say this. Life is a lot more beautiful and freeing when you do not wear a mask. When you are your authentic self. The right people and things in life will find you. But we must do the footwork. Anything is possible when we love who we are. We just must reach out and grab it and own it.
We can all grow together.
Until next time my friends!
Remember, it is all about your mindset & your choices!!