2017.... let me think about that for a second 🤔. Nope, I would not change any of it. Some of you know more than most. Some know nothing. But let me say this. I would not change one single thing. Why? Because it has allllll made me who I have become, and continue to grow to be everyday when I wake up making that choice every morning. Don’t get me wrong....have I wanted to just give up? HECK YA!!! But because I didn’t, this is what I know. I know Jay’s heart is all better and he is happy and doing amazing in school and work. And his heart has always been better than fine, if you ask me! Jordan, he has finally been on his way to healing after all this time. And he has the heart of his Daddy, and the looks of his Mommy 😉, and is turning into an incredible human being. He loves big and protects all who get the pleasure of receiving his love. He is funnier than anyone I know! But he is learning so much himself that I wish I had before now. And as for me, well I have survived it all thus far. With each and every trial that was thrown at me, I thought to myself, “God must think I’m a badass!”
It use to bother me when people would say “gosh your so strong.” Because to me, it had not one thing to do with strength. It had to do with what needed to be done. My purpose. I had NO OPTION. It had to do with “what am I suppose to be learning right now that in 2.5 years, SO much has been thrown at me.” And that is sort of my point. THAT was my thought. I didn’t destruct. Ok, well maybe a couple times. Who wouldn’t? But I realized there was a purpose to it all.
I retreated into myself. Focused on each thing as it came. Mostly just spent time with me. Learning, finding, taking inventory I guess you could say and taking notes. (Literally, a Goal Book 😂.) I struggled most of my life between confidence and fear. And when the worst of the worst things happen to you, and you have made it through all those things and see the light again, you tend to see things so much differently. You appreciate, you see more beauty in people you never saw before, you see what it is your really made of. You see what the people around you are made of. With that though sadly, you start to see the things that have been holding you back. Negativity, toxic situations, people, even places.
I know one thing is for sure. I have learned and grown so much. I do not think I’m better than anyone else or above anyone else. I am just me. And I LOVE the me I have found. And I want to keep growing, learning, and being a better version of myself every day. By no means will this ever make me perfect. But it does make me happy, healthy, no longer stagnant, and it makes me ever evolving. Most importantly, it makes me a better parent, and child of God.
HOWEVER, I will NOT miss 2017!! I am so ready for 2018!! I can’t say there won’t be any valley’s because nothing ever remains the same. But I sure will humbly appreciate those peaks! And I am so very thankful for those who have been there every step of the way. Encouraging, cheering, and even lovingly telling me when I needed to get it together, for keeping me and my family in prayer. Also, for allowing me to just go through my process of everything my own way. And those that knew I just needed to be left to myself to figure it all out. And mostly, for believing in me.
So bring on 2018!! I AM READY FOR YOU!! My ducking action is quick now, so let’s get this started!! Big things this year!! Happy New Year Everyone!!
Till Next Time