"Who would let us be parents?"
This is what I found myself saying tonight as I talked with a friend from high school that I hadn't talked to or seen in years, except for on Facebook along with everyone else that moved out of the town I grew up in. As we talked about the crazy stuff that we experienced growing up. And let me tell you, I was a shy girl back then. But apparently some don't remember that about me lol. Anyway, in my own head I was thinking of the risks I had taken and listening to my friend on the phone, it was like no time had passed. And I said "Oh my gosh, we are parents now! Who would let us do that??!!"
I have to say, back in high school, I would have never guessed that my friend would have turned out to be the amazing father that he is. The positivity that came out his mouth, along with that same teenage boy he was, or I should say IS HAHA. But that is one of the best things about him. He still holds on to that teenager that we all still have inside of us. He has just added adulthood to him. I smiled to myself thinking "Wow, I am so proud of this guy!" Turns out, I knew him, but really, didn't know him at all. Turns out, he always wanted to be a family man, a father. And he turned out to be a darn good one with extremely talented girls. Which is the funny part if you knew him.
I have been feeling sorry for myself the last couple of days. I put so much pressure on myself since losing my husband. I still have one teenage boy at home that I'm raising to be a man. I want him to be a good human being, father, provider etc. And when I feel like I'm failing, because I am human, I think to myself "I don't get this." And I have a pity party for myself with all the fixings.
He had said something to me that took all of the pressure off. He helped me change my mindset and he didn't even know it. He told me, "you don't need to make him anything, just love him. He is already going to be who he is going to be. That was decided a long time ago." I hung up the phone with him and was just in aww. I was smiling ear to ear because I knew he was completely right. HE WAS RIGHT.
I can only imagine if I put that pressure on myself, how my son must feel. I NEVER want him to be anything other than what makes him happy. And I realized, that is what matters the most. Yes, I still believe he needs to be a good human being. but he already is. He is amazing! Both of my boys are amazing! And like he also said, "every day the sun comes up". He said something else after that. I just don't remember right now HAHA.
My point being, that it was no accident that we spoke tonight. And it was no accident that he had all girls and I had boys. Ya, sometimes God's got jokes too. But neither one of us would change it for anything. Besides, he told me that gives us a free pass into heaven! And I'm all for that! HAHA!
I am a parent, And I think we all need to give ourselves a break and not make things so complicated on ourselves. Because my friend was right. It was already decided long ago what God's children are supposed to be.
Thank you, my friend. God knew what he was doing when he made you!