I talked about family on December 20th. And in talking with a friend this morning, I came to a new realization. Actually, I had come to it some time ago. However, I saw myself in somene yesterday. At first I thought to myself "who does she think she is?" And then as my friend told me this girls story, I understood. I knew her so well without knowing her at all. But I know the fight she carries inside her. As the kids say these days "the struggle is real!" HAHA. She is young, and she doesn't see it yet. And in these situations, I want to save someone like this. But I know all too well, it's something that we have to come to on our own.
So as I was saying. I had written about family. And what maybe one person's "normal", is not the same as another person's "normal". The environment in which we are raised, defines that for us as children. And we carry that on into our early adulthood. I can only speak for myself of course. As I am not a therapist nor psychologist. So I only speak from personal experiences.
I had a dramatic filled childhood. It is all that I knew. To me, that was my "normal." As I got older into my teens and even young adult life, whenever there was a peacefullness or a calm, I guess you could say I got bored. It didn't feel right. I had to have something going on. It was like I needed the drama or the excitement for lack of a better word. Even if at that time, it didn't seem like excitement and I would say, all I wanted was peace or for things to be easier. Without knowing, I would create what was normal to me. Do you see where I'm going here?
This affected my relationships, friendships, and they type of people I kept around me. And we gravitate to those that are like that in which we are seeiking.what it is we are. As you can imagine, it didn't make for quality relationships and friends. But as I have said before, when you hit a certain pain point, or you have a traumatic event or whatever that is that we as individuals need to open our eyes, that is when we are willing to look at what was unrecognizable before. I call these my "Life Lessons."
When I recognized this, began to create my new "normal" for myself. One in which I wanted for myself and for my boys. If we don't want it for ourselves first, we certainly can't expect to be able to show our children anything different. We can say it as much as we want. But if they don't actually see it, then it's really going in one ear and out the other.
I knew what I wanted. The vision was in my head. I just needed to create it. It took adjusting my mindset and choosing different patterns for myself. Training myself so to speak. And it is not easy let me tell you. But the work that you put into it is NOTHING compared to the rewards that come out of it. I took a look at the people around me and learned to set boundries. I even had to distance myself all together from people I considered great freinds and just love them from afar. With this, I sadly realized the friends I lost along the way because of my own actions. I had to go through a process of forgiving myself, but that is a whole other topic!
Today, I KNOW that it is something that I have to always keep. It took me some time to get to the place that I stand today. And thankfully I have real and truly great friends and some family that loved me no matter what and would bring the calm to my storm. For that, I am forever eternaly grateful.
Now, I am strong enough to be that kind of friend to others. The kind that I value and treasure today, I am able to give it back. And it is true, what you put out there, does come back to you. One of those friends I had sadly pushed away, I have known for 40 years. Since I was 8 years old. I was recently lucky enough to apologize for the person that I was during a time in my life. And the most incredible thing about real friends, is their ability to forgive and love you unconditionally. As I am able to love myself now unconditionally and enjoy the peace and calm......