There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time. - Malcom X
There is a slight breeze right now that just kicked up. The lake is beautiful and peaceful. Birds are done chirping for the day and I can hear my favorite fountain behind me as I lay here in my hammock. You would really love it here Brandon. I have created a good peaceful life for Jordan and I as Jay is on his own at college. Here for the weekend however. You know we always spend this day together.
I cannot believe that it has been 3 years today at 4:42 PM. Wow, it still seems as though it was yesterday sometimes. I sit here looking out at the lake and I don’t even wonder what you’re doing. I don’t wonder what you would say. I don’t even wonder what you would be doing if you were still here. I already know. So many times, it is as though you haven’t left at all. Your energy is still here. I can still hear you. I talk to you out loud. Yes, the boys love that. They say “huh?” And of course, I say “I’m not talking to you! I’m talking to your Dad!”
It was a rough week B. But today, I am choosing to shift my mindset. I know you were here with us. Jay and I had a contest on who could take the better pictures with our camera’s. And the boys are inside now watching one of your favorite series in movies, Fast N Furious. Just not feeling it.
I am good though for the most part. I am actually proud of myself. I have created this simple and peaceful life for Jordan and I. You gave me a new set of eyes the day you left. Ok, not the exact day you left. It took me some time to get there. But what is important is that I have. I only wish I had seen it all while you were still here. I was strong in personality, but not strong enough to stand up for myself in many areas. Always being what others perceived me, I have finally become who I really am. The person you saw in me all along.
When the bad days that come that feel as if I cannot breathe. I just remind myself that at least I had that love and experience. Some search their whole life, and never find it. As crazy and up and down as it was. You always believed in me, protected me and accepted me. Thank you, Brandon. Thank you for all that you taught me. For showing me that I was worthy.
I made some tough choices. And to tell you the truth, I was scared and afraid. But I made them anyway. Stepped out of my comfort zone. It turned out to be the best think I could have done for myself. To finally do what was healthy for me, and something I chose to do without being afraid of disappointing anyone.
Thank you for your love. Thank you for our boys. Thank you for teaching them to respect women. Thank you for teaching them what men are really supposed to be like. There are not many that have the qualities you had and taught our boys.
I sure fucking miss you. Every second of every day. But when I need you, you are there to listen still. I will keep going. And I will grow and become a better version every day. You and Maga were the only ones that encouraged me and told me I could do anything I wanted to do. And I am. I’m making those choices for myself now.
So on this day June 9, 2015 at 4:42 PM, we said “See You Again.” And we will. I know I don’t have to say much else. You already know.
We love you way up to God and Back.